Off With His Head (Not Really)

On the G-unit's agenda the other day, the Tower of London. Now I have been to the Tower once or twice or six times before, but I always enjoy it. I always learn or see something new when I am there. This time we went on a Yeomen Warder's tour. The Yeomen Warders are more commonly known as "Beef Eaters". Apparently, according to our tour guide, in the days when they were founded, the late 1400s, they were paid very well. Well enough to afford meat regularly which many in London could not afford. So the people would jeer at them, "there go the beef eaters". Now I am not so sure that I would be offended if someone yelled at me "There goes the Louis Vuitton purse holder". But maybe that is just me. Today there are quite stringent requirements in order to become a Yeomen Warder. You must have served at least 22 years as a senior NCO in the British Armed Services. You had to have been awarded the both the Good Conduct and Long Service medals. And finally, you have to have been honorably discharged. Interestingly enough, retirees of the Army, Air Force and Marines could become Yeomen Warders but retirees of the Navy are not eligible Because Navy men apparently take an oath to the Admiralty not the crown, as do the other services.

Anyway, our tour guide was a hoot. He asked about the different nationalities of the tour group. When he found out that there were quite a us from the US in the group, he asked if we were enjoying all of the history. When people answered in the affirmative, he advised "Well, it could be yours too - if you paid your taxes!"

He was very animated and took us on a very informative tour. He told stories of many of the famous prisoners in the tower and those we might not have heard of before. If you know about English history, you know the story of the Little Princes. The Little Princes were the 13 and 10 year old sons of Edward IV. When Edward IV died, one of the Princes became Edward V. The prince's uncle, Richard Duke of Gloucester, had himself first appointed regent and then later declared the boys illegitimate and he became King himself. Richard III, of Shakespeare fame. Shortly after this time, the boys were never seen again. There has been speculation as to who killed them for years. In the late 1600s when they were doing some renovation, they found the skeletal remains of 2 young men around the Princes ages. The bones were taken and given a royal burial in Westminster Abbey where they are interred in an area called, Innocents Corner. There is alot of evidence that Richard III had the boys killed and I think that is the general viewpoint of most of the historians. However, karma is a bitch. In addition to being described pretty disgustingly by Shakespeare as a sort of hunchback character so ugly and deformed, that woman scorned him and he caused dogs to growl, he just wasn't very popular among his peeps. So he finds himself the night before a great battle, the Battle of Bosworth, he rides out to meet with his generals and men. He gets off his horse and down on the ground he draws out the battle plan, sitting on a low stone wall. The next morning he wakes to find out that a whole bunch of his generals had deserted along with quite a few of the men. He could cancel, but rescheduling a battle is tough so he goes forward. To disastrous results, although lucky for Shakespeare or else we would have never heard the line "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse". Shortly after that, Richard is killed rather brutally and his body is sort of strewn all over the battlefield. Apparently they had a tough time finding all the parts for a decent burial.

Soooooooo. Our tour guide claims that this was the origin for the nursery rhyme, Humpty, Dumpty sat on wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put humpty together again. Interesting.

One more quick story. We heard the story of a young Scotsman who was imprisoned as the result of a failed rebellion against the throne and he was sentenced to die. His wife came all the way from Scotland to beg for his life and if unsuccessful to see her husband one last time. Their cause was very popular at the time and she gathered quite a bit of support along the way. When she came to visit him, she brought with her some of her lady friends. They all crowed in the cell, some of the ladies left to fetch items, a few came back, a few more came out again, then some other ladies arrived at the cell. In and out, in and out. Finally the wife was left alone in the cell to say goodbye. She came out after quite a bit of time had expired, teary, red-eyed, distraught. She mentioned to the guards that her husband was extremely upset at their separation and that he should be left alone to sleep. When the guards, finally went in. . . . . you guessed it, no prisoner. Apparently the "ladies" had smuggled in extra clothes and in one of those trips in and out of the cell, managed to get him out dressed in women's clothing. It was extraordinary because the prisoner was over 6 foot 5 inches tall, and had a long ZZ Top red beard. The lady and her husband hightailed it to Rome where they lived in exile for more than 20 years. Our tour guide indicates that this is where the expression "he got off scot free" comes from.

We also saw the inside of the Chapel there, which I have never been in before. That is a good reason to go on the Yeomen tour because I don't think you can get in there unless you are on a tour. The tours are free. The Chapel is where Anne Boleyn, Katharine Howard, Lady Jane Grey, are buried.

Another little known fact, Rudolph Hess was imprisoned there for a few day. The last prisoners were the Kray twins, local hoodlums, for failing to report for National Service, in the 1950s.

G-father enjoyed it very much. His only disappointment, they don't let you try on the Crown jewels. Damn.