THE Reason My Mom Could Never Live Here

Those of you who know my mom know that one of her many talents is the ability to scope out a bargain or two. In fact she is so renowned in this area, that nothing pleases my sisters and me more than to get a better bargain than her. We are known to crow about it for years (mostly because it doesn’t happen that often and we lead very empty lives). Another one of her fortes is to always have the right gift box for any gift. That is mainly because my mother has never thrown away a gift box. I am pretty sure never in her entire life. We have gift boxes in our house that date back to the Nixon administration (the first one). They don’t get thrown out, they disintegrate. My mother considers it a mortal sin to buy an item (regardless of whether it is a gift or not) at a department store or any store for that matter, and not ask for a complimentary gift box. It doesn’t matter whether you need the box now, you will need it later. She has been with me in a store when I have neglected to ask for a box and the intake of breath was so sharp I thought she was having an asthma attack and couldn’t breathe. And don’t even get her started about paying for gift boxes. She believes those who pay for gift boxes deserve to be gouged because they didn’t plan ahead. Although we had better not pay for a gift box in her presence.

The reason I got on this subject is that I am in full Christmas shopping swing. I have been for a few weeks, it just takes longer when you have to bring it home on the bus (I know I talk about that a lot but it is a pain!). A few weeks ago, I bought a clothing item in the John Lewis department store, which is London’s Macys. I asked for a gift box. The woman looked at me very strangely, “What is it you are wanting, a gift box?” “Yes”, I said very slowly “In . . . order . . . to. . . wrap. . . the . . .clothing”. I wasn’t sure if we had a language issue or I spoke too fast or what. I pointed out it was a Christmas gift and she said “Oh, well we wouldn’t have those yet – its not Christmas”. It was November 27. She assured me that they would have them within a few weeks. I have been back to that store three times, they don’t have gift boxes and they won’t be getting them. They don’t give away complimentary gift boxes!! What?!!? And before you get on John Lewis, I have been to other stores in London and they don’t give them out either. It is worthy to note though that even the concept of a complimentary gift box is foreign here. A few times when I have asked I have been treated to such odd looks that I have wondered whether “gift box” is some drug euphemism I don’t know about. “C’mon baby, just give me a small ‘gift box’ to get me through the night” or “Jeez, did you see Jake he got some bad ‘gift box’ yesterday”.

So Mother, I just had to let you know about the gift box problem in this country. I am thinking of starting some kind of gift box awareness campaign. I will let you know how it goes. But in the meantime, I may have to buy gift boxes this year. I know, I know, it serves me right. I didn’t plan ahead by moving my gift boxes trans-atlantically. Forgive me?