Grocery Store Pet Peeves

Is it just me or is it something about the holiday season that just makes grocery shopping almost unbearable? Normally, I love shopping in all shapes or forms. It is in my genes - come from a long line of shoppers. It is part of my DNA profile. During the holiday season, I actually enjoy the gift shopping; don’t mind crowded malls. I take it as a challenge, a sport, competition. Getting the best deal gets my adrenaline pumping. If shopping were a sport, I am sure I could go pro or at least be in the elite category of amateur, like triple A or bowling or Nascar.

I think it is because at the holidays there are so many amateurs in the store, those who don’t know the in and outs, the etiquette. And maybe it is because I consider myself an expert in the field; I am annoyed by those that don’t follow the rules of grocery shopping. Oh and don’t kid yourself, there are rules. Let me give you a few. (And these are in no particular order because quite frankly they are all important).

1. Don’t park your cart on one side of the aisle and yourself on the other side. For example, if you are in the canned soup and vegetable aisle don’t park your cart on the soup side and then wander across to look at the canned veggies. What you have done, effectively, is block both sides of the aisle. People and carts can’t get around you. Cart management is very important in grocery shopping. Have a little self awareness, know where your fellow cart managers are, anticipate their movements, and get out of their way if you want to check the sodium content of every single can of chicken noodle in Safeway. Another tip, if your store has pillars in the most inconvenient places like mine, be aware of where you stop your cart. If you stop your cart right next to the pillar, guess what? No one can get around you. This also applies to the stores that display items in the aisles. Don't park your cart next to the display. It won't kill you to move ahead a few feet and go back to the item you want to look at or retrieve. Trust me.

2. If you bring your kids to the store with you and I recognize that there are situations where that needs to happen, keep them under control. Like automobiles, no one under 16 should be allowed to drive a cart. It is not adorable to have your 5 year old push your cart. In addition to the inevitable cart-run-into-your-heel-confrontation, I saw a 6 year old almost take out an entire display of Christmas M&Ms the other day at the store. I used to tell my kids on the very few grocery store trips they went on, that they couldn't be wider than the cart. So they had to either walk way in front of me and the cart or, preferably, behind me and the cart.

3. Express lanes are for those who can complete their transactions quickly. Repeat that out loud to yourself. If you haven’t used your debit card in the last 7 months and you just can’t remember your pin, you shouldn’t be in the express lane. If you want to discuss why (Insert Your Store’s Name Here) doesn’t carry your cat’s favorite brand of kitty litter, you shouldn't be in the express lane. If you are buying some exotic type of produce (yes I am talking to you radicchio buyers!) that the clerk just can’t remember the code for or can’t find the code for, you shouldn’t be in the express lane. And another thing express lane users, start your debit card or store card swiping as soon as the clerk has rung up the first item. There are few things in life more annoying than watching someone ring up an order in the express lane, THEN the customer searches her purse or goes through 27 cards in his wallet to find their store card or their credit card. Remember it is for those who can complete their transactions quickly. If you see yourself in any of those examples, the express lane is not for you. If you aren’t sure, message me your circumstances and I will be happy to let you know.

4. Regular lane users you have some rules too. (Please read express lane section about when to swipe your credit card or store card. It applies to you as well.) If you have brought your own bags to the store, don’t wait until the order has been bagged to present your reusable bags and ask that the order be re-bagged because you are a friend to the environment. If you can’t remember to present your bags before the bagger has started bagging, then you aren’t really very “green” to begin with and now the environment will just have to pay for your transgression. Think about that next time. If you really were concerned, you would make an effort to present your bags earlier in the process. Moving on. People that only have 1 or 2 or 3 items that stand behind big full carts in the regular lanes should not expect to skip ahead in line. 1 or 2 or 3 item people have whole lanes dedicated to them, the express lanes. My store has at least 5 and usually 3 of them are manned most of the time. If the express line is a little too long, you think you will move over to a regular line and someone will let you go head of them “because I only have one thing”. NOT IN MY LANE. I will wait you out. You can shift your weight from one ankle to another, try to make eye contact or sigh so deeply you begin to hyperventilate, I will not let you move head of me in line. It is the fairness of it all. Let’s face it, you are probably the same people who count items in the express lane and call out to the checker, “she has 13 items, only supposed to have 12”. We have our own lanes, let’s use them people.

5. Frozen food aisle. If you are looking at items in the frozen food case, don't hold the door open and peruse at your leisure. The glass doors get all fogged up and the next person can't see through them. Look through the glass, make your choice, THEN open the door to obtain your item or items. It goes without saying that you shouldn't leave the door open while you review the nutrition facts on the side. Close the door, review facts, put item in cart or back in case. Not rocket science.

6. People that eat from the bulk food bins. Do I really need to say this? I can almost excuse the kids, they don't know better. But it isn't usually the kids I see that stick their fingers inside and take a piece for snacking. Don't do this, no matter what!!! Unless you would like me to send Chizz or Snake over to put their grubby hands all over your food after they have been cleaning our gutters. Just saying. . . . It's gross and it's illegal. It is stealing, no ifs ands or buts. Frankly most produce departments (where these bins are usually located) will give you a taste of any item if you request it. If you take it, you are stealing. It is shop lifting except you aren't carrying the product out under your coat, you are taking it out in your stomach. And let's face it, someone always sees you do it. Be a better example. Shame, shame, shame.

So I think with these simple rules (Wendy's rules,if you insist), grocery store shopping can be a much better experience for everyone. Do you think I should print this out a few hundred times and give one to anyone I see not following the rules? Maybe not. But shape up people, or I just might!!